Not a big deal, it just a convo

Finally! We had our convocation after waiting several months. Waiting so long just for few hours convocation! So glad that I got chance to meet friends that didn't met each other since finished study in college. Everybody are different now. People and things changed. Few of them already continue their undergraduate overseas. Kinda sad can't meet them all in the convocation. But feel proud that they represent MIA and of course themselves at foreign countries and I pretty sure that they will make our nation proud in the future. They are all top students you see. Frankly, I'm not that smart and rich enough to continue study oversea. I knew that we can apply loan for that but I already loaned PTPTN while studying in MIA so I'm not gonna apply anymore. I not gonna to pay them with my whole life! Look at the interest they charged you! Well said Annie's cousin, we're not necessary to continue studies immediately. And well said Ms Elizabeth at education fair, you not going to pay that amount of money just to get a lower grade at there. I know my own capability. I'm not smart like you guys. I just scare I not able to catch up and left behind. I don't want to waste that money. That's really expensive. It is burden for us. We can't afford that. Sorry to let you guys down. I will find other ways. Okay, back to the convocation. I felt pretty excited that I wore my graduation gown for the first time. And there's meaning of the way how to put the tassel. My mom and my mom's sister attended. Sorry to say this but I really wish that that is my mom and dad who attend my convocation. My dad can't attend because he cannot let go his works. I understand that. And the air tickets cost me a lot. I swear that I never repeat this stupid things anymore. I asked, not wrong but inappropriate people to book the air tickets for me. I not that rich to pay for the 'buy on the spot tickets'. You know how the price of the tickets are different with the 'early book online tickets'??? I can save a lots from there! Fxxx! I don't have enough money to pay for it and now I owe people favors again. I don't like this kind of feelings. But need to thank them anyway and miss Annie too , to let me cooperate with her to do the freelance job. I need some money to pay the tickets. Okay, need to stop all this nagging, here come the pictures. :) 

<3 you mom :) and of course all of you, buddies!

Random thoughts

Feeling kinda sad when moved from a place to another strange place. I don't like to move. Its so troublesome to move when you already settled down and ready to get used to the environment. Its feel odd when you wake up in a different place. For me at least. It so difficult for me to fit into a new place. A place where everything totally new to me. That make me feel insecure. Same to thought too. It happens when something just go into your mind and tell you to change your plan. I need sometime to adapt, to adjust. I can't flick and change it just like that! Too many to think, too many to handle. But what to do? Its for my own sake. Mom told me, that's no time to think for other people, think for yourself ok? I want to go home. This time I really do. I don't have my own, private place now. My own space. I need a place where I can really relax and do nothing and don't have to think of other things. Anything. What's the point that the place you live is free but can't give you comfort and the feel that you so called home? Maybe I will leave when I reached my limit. This is not what I want. All of them. Really sorry to say that. People always called you a playboy when you try to find mates in the same time but why they never think of people are just searching for their true love? Just a random thought of mine. Its hurt. It really do hurt. Its a process. Need to go though it, survive and be safe. Hoping that I could learn a bit and hate myself know how to give but don't know how to take. Feel fear to take. Need to change that. Put it in the list...